Tears from Heaven

Remember the movie Garden State? To some extent i can relate to Zach Braff's character. No my mom didn't die, nor am i a movie star. I didn't visit New Jersey, nor date Natalie Portman (sigh). However, what made me relate to him was the inability to cry. Now my life hasn't been bad. No, it's been a great life. But there has been some events that have really hardened my life, effected my emotions. For the past couple years i have had the inability to cry. I've wanted to, trust me, i wanted really badly to shed either tears of joy or tears of grief. I've wanted to either celebrate with tears of happiness, or cry with a fellow brother or sister as they did. But nothing has come out, not one single tear.

If you've read previous posts, this year has been a roller coaster of emotions. It started off with me feeling emotionless. I didn't care about really anything and i was living life like nothing excited me nor saddened me. I felt lost and confused.

Spring came, and God surprised me with a new sense of meaning, new sense of direction. Growing in me was a renewed love for others, specifically those who did not or have not heard the gospel. I was called to the missions field. It was a uncontrollable feeling that i did not look for nor did i, at first, welcome. But it was undeniable, God had called me the field.

Summer and fall was next. With that came all the questions. I started to doubt my calling, started to even doubt my faith and relationship with God. "Was i even a christian? or a poser, hypocrite, living a lie." This realization hit me hard. Had my life been a lie? Had i put any faith in God? Or was I really, truly, a disciple of Christ. I came to the conclusion that in fact, God, was the reason for why i do everything. He is the reason i live, breathe, and move. God is my everything.

This brings me to winter and the attendance of a missions conference called Urbana. I had been excited for this conference for some time now. Since God had given me a passion for missions, this would be a great time for me to grow and learn more about the ministry that would become life. It truly was a great time, God taught me a lot of new things.

Which leads me to New Years Eve. We had the privilege of worshiping with 17,000 of our brothers and sisters to enter into the new year. After taking communion we began to sing more songs of praise and as the clock stuck midnight we were repeating the line "I am redeemed" over and over again.

While singing "I am redeemed" over and over again God began to break my heart. All the pain that i had been holding on to, all the disappointment, all the lonliness, suddenly went away. And i had been comforted by the Lord saying that all of that "stuff" was nailed to the cross. I had been redeemed. With this sudden revelation, sudden comfort, one single tear came rolling down my left cheek. One single tear, that's all.

This tear however, was probably the heaviest tear i have ever felt. With it, was all the pain that i had been holding on it. The simple, most basic belief in Christianity, was reminded to me. I was saved by grace, through my faith in Him, and it wasn't anything that i did, but it was faith and faith alone. I forgot with all my pain i had been holding on to, God gave me the greatest gift of all, salvation. And that thought, that He has saved me, took all my pain, at the foot of the cross.

Maybe you're reading this post and you have not given your life to Jesus. It's really easy. Believe in Him and you will be in Heaven. Trust that He came down from Heaven to die for us, innately sinners at birth, and saved us from eternal damnation. No one can get to the father except through the Son. Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life.

For those of you who are saved. Remember, you are saved! How amazing is that! That thought should change your life! It should change the way you live, eat, move, talk, act. Also, if you are struggling, like so many of us are, remember you are saved and redeemed. Place all your burdens, worries, and fears, at the foot of the cross. God redeems us.

You are redeemed
You are redeemed
You are redeemed